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" Believe me mom, I know about it," he said blushing. "Oh I am so sorry mister smarty pants, I didn't know you knew everything," I joked back at him. We sat in silence for awhile, him drinking his beer, me my wine. This was an odd situation to be sure. Robert began again, "I don't know everything." "Oh really?" I joked. I set my glass down and turned toward him. "You have my full attention, what did you want to know?" He looked at me; then the floor and back to me. I could tell he had something to say and was having trouble. I felt sad for him, how could I make him feel so bad. He needed to understand that he could talk to me about anything. "Don't be embarrassed," I said. "You can ask anything you want." He took a deep breath I said. "I think I have a problem!" This caught me off guard, I needed more than a few words at one time, I wanted him to really talk. "What do you mean?" I begged. "Well I seem to be, you know, excited all the time." I relaxed, smiled and asked, "You masturbate. Except the Director, standing there with a shocked look on his face, wondering if his old friend and trusted deputy had somehow cracked under the strain and was losing his mind. The Director saw no ghostly pair. All he saw was the angry faces of his officers, drenched in lamb curry and steamed rice, muttering expletives at the prone figure of his friend laying sprawled on the floor.Jameson asked for and received the rest of the day off.The Director pointedly advised that Jameson should take a little vacation time as well: "take the day off and the next week off, too. Go to a retreat for a week, maybe; get some rest and a little counseling, perhaps." The Director didn't mention the report on his desk from the commander of the marine detachment, the detailed account of his Deputy and his driver swearing at the gate guard about the "two old indians standing in the lane, trying to get killed," and the Deputy's angry accusation that the marine had been derelict in his duty by letting the.
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